I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
