my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
