why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
