I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
