I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
