Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
