I must be too annoying 4 u.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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