don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
