i don't like sucking hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
