I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
