He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
