I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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