Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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