Where is the hickey?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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