Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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