the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
