I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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