Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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