planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
