Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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