Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
