You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
