i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
