apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love having hate sex.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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