Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want to make out with him forever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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