According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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