At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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