so explain again why im purple
no
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
