What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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