I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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