i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
