the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
