my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
