so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
