hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
