So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize