I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
