bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I supernannyed him into submission
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
