We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
