Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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