Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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