After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Everything about him screamed your future.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
