I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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