What a fucking waste of an outfit
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
