hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize