And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
