just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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