Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
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