just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Too much gin, very little bucket
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
