Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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