I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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