sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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