this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
