i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
