her vagine was all disorganized.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
