I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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