All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
