all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
