I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
