The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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