I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
