i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
