we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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