dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
