whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
