I just pynch a tree in the face
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
