lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
