i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The air was thick with penises
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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