Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
