Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
