I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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