I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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