im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
