So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
