I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
