you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
where are my eyebrows?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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