normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
