Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
