So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
