You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
