Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize