He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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