My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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