Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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