My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
