Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
