I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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